Why am i torturing , hurting and making my life miserable??

tOday went to his ah ma de house...his father bought KFC and pizza...after tat jiu take 147 go home...in the bus think alot alot...LOL...was trying to ren my tears...-__-"...was asking myself this question...why am i making my life miserable...why cant i jus come out wif an ans...why i only noe how to hurt ppl...why i always say no one can gif me the stuff i wan...why i always say no one understand me...

maybe is ca i don even understand myself tats why?? i don understand why do i have to think everyday...why the stuff i wan like veri hard to get like tat?? am i really asking for too much?? why ppl will like me...ca i good hearted ca my looks not bad...or ca jus wanna fuck...i really donno siar...why ppl so weird de...both guys and gals...

am trying veri hard to catch my breath...my chest feel so tight...my heart feel so empty...my heart feels like it's been locked up...maybe i should listen to wat sky told me...i asked him some question and he say i should take a break and let my broken heart heal first den fall in love again...maybe i should listen to wat he say??...and yes am still young there is no rush in finding a bf...but i jus nid someone to pei me almost everyday...i noe ur will think frens can wat...but all my frens is guai guai de...all cant go out de or can hardly go out if not is cant go out till late late...den will only ask me out when they nid me...example...one of my I.T.E fren...quarrel wif bf den don wanna stay at home ca don wanna anyhow think den will ask me out de...if not wont de...call also wont call msg also wont msg...only when quarrel wif bf den will come find me...

so i asked myself thing...if i take a break...can i accept being alone??? i don think i can...i nv been alone before...as in at outside eat alone...go window shopping alone...i find it so stupid to go shopping alone...ca if i like something i cant like tell my fren this thing nice rite...and am i super shy person...if i alone and i donno how to go to this place...i rather i go missing den i ask ppl for the way to the place...see wat i mean by i cant be alone??...nvm only i understand myself...LOL...crap ofca i understand myself am me...-__-...wat ever...am jus crapping...

so maybe i should jus let go of both of them...and currently stay single??...aiyo..i donno lah...am so confuse...this is the 3th time i think till head veri pain...like my head wanna bomb...save me someone?!?!...HELLO!!! anyone out there?!?!...hope someone is out there to save me...hahax...LOL...

LOL...wanted to upload the pic i took of me hurting myself...but i delete it den i went to paste it at other folder i forget cant delete den paste...LOL...so it looks like i got to say out wat i did to myself...there is blue black ony my rite knee, 2 blue black on my rite index and midder finger...my head got baluku...my left wrist got my scratch mark and 3 penknife cut...and tat is the first time i bleed the most...the blood was like auto flowing out...but heng stop...if not i now cant sit infront of my com write blog liao...LOL...

anyways...tats all for today...tata~

am tired of making empty promise...

am sick of thinking everyday...

am jus like a locked up bird...

i wish everyday is rain heavily...

i wish am blind...

am screaming deep down inside me...

is there anyone willing to fix my broken heart...

i hide all my tears...

i will nv cry infront of u...

i don wanna let u see the fallen side of me...

but u think am so strong...

jus because i nv cry infront of u...

i hate being alone...

u noe i hate being alone...

but why do u still throw my aside...

even when i most nidded u...

do u noe it hurts to cry alone...

do u noe it hurts when i have to keep everything to myself...

do u noe it hurts when i have to act like am so happy when am not...

do u noe the feeling of u got to tell urself everything...

do u noe the feeling when u nid someone there for u...but there is no one out there for u...and all u can do is cry and cry and cry like an helpless ass...

as time goes by...

i will slowly wake up from my nitemare...

my heart will slowly heal...

my tears will slowly dried up...

my smile will slowly appear...

my heart will slowly stop bleeding...

but when will the day come??

i will wait for the time to come...

i will wait for the day when am all heal...

do i really have to be alone...

who will be out there waiting for me...

who will be out there for me...

who will be out there hoping tat my heart can faster heal...

maybe i should stay single...

i donno...

am afraid of the hurts...

am even more afraid of hurting u...

i really donno why everything has become a lie to me...

i really donno why i jus don dare to believe in anything...

izzt because i think too much...

or is because i totally lost the trust in guys or love???

i really donno...

bOy...do you noe...

i have been always hoping and waiting for the day...

when i get to go out wif u...

but i think it's no point for me to think leh...

ca i noe it wont happen leh...

i really wish i can say out how i feel...

i really wish i can noe wat i really wan...

i really wish i can stop hurting ppl...

including myself...

am really tired...

my heart is breaking everyday...

my heart is bleeding everyday...

i wanna stop all the hurts and bleeding...but can i...i really wanna noe...do i have to fix my broken heart myself...

am crying out blood soon...

jus like how my heart is crying...

jus like how it's bleeding...

why does almost all love story got to end...

why does almost all love story is a nitemare...

why does almost all love story have an unhappy ending...

why does all love story got to be so hurting and painful...

my heart is all broken into pieces...

it hurts whenever i think of it...

whenever i gently touch it...

i can feel it's bleeding...

it simply hurts...

i wanna stop all this hurt...

is there really someone willing to fix my broken heart...

love hurts...

love is so confusing...

the more u wanna understand it...the more you wont understand it...

the more u don wanna hurt it...the more u will hurt it...

the more u wanna get closer to it...the further it goes...

the more u wanna it to last...the more it wont last...

u think am so happy...

do u noe am bleeding deep down in my heart...

do u noe how tired i am...

do u noe how much i wish i can jus close my eyes and rest...

do u noe how much i ned a shoulder to lay on...

do u noe how i ned you to be wif me...jus leave me alone if u hate me...

don say things tat u noe u cant do it...

am sick of lies...

am sick of hurts...

am sick of tears...

am sick of crying...no one believe me...

am jus a locked up bird...

is it really tat hard to believe me...

am i really tat not wroth to be trusted...

am sick of everything...

hate me jus leave me alone...

stop hurting me...

Monday, June 22, 2009 ♥

hhhmmms... ♥ 10:42 PM

tOday went to watch DRAG ME TO HELL...the movie was okie okie loh...am scared of the old woman...*boo hoo*...sobsob...she is so scary can!!...LOL...was scared by the stupid sound effect...whole movie i only really jump up once...LOL...was covering my mouth almost all the time...LOL...i scared i scream...-__-...ca i screamed once...LOL...but tat was about a yr plus ago..LOL...my first scary movie wif him...-__-...haix...after moive went walk walk around vivo...actually wanna go peninsula buy my shorts de...but in the end go bugis...tml den go peninsula...went to bugis street...went there wanna buy bag de...but don have i like de...den i went to look for shorts...also don have i like de...if not is too short...LOL...i mean is like if wanna wear short short why not wear underwear and walk around...why waste money buy a pants tat is almost as short as an underwear...-___-"""...after tat went back to the shopping mall...LOL...went to topshop...saw one underwear...LOL...it cost $13...i mean i nv buy is not ca of the price...ca i noe i sure wont wear it de...ca the underwear veri cute...-__-...pink colour de...LOL...got lace somemore...i stare at the underwear for a long time...LOL...was thinking should i buy mah...but in the end nv buy...nv buy also good lah...ca i still got new undewear haven even touch yet..=X...hahax...den after tat went back to bugis street again...LOL...jus to buy my dress...LOL...bought 2 of it...hahax...after tat jiu take bus home leh...den on the bus one uncle suddenly play Jia Gei Wo...haix...this song make me remember alot alot of things...this song is the song we use to sing together de...haix...was kind of sad when i hear the song...LOL...hahax...ca it make me think back of the past...hhmms...i guess tat's all for today...

*i still don understand myself*~...i will keep on writing this till the day i understand myself...
jus feel like asking myself...WAT THE FUCK U REALLY WAN...dear brain and heart do u noe how i wish i can jus fall...why do u have to make me stand up when u noe i will fall again...haix...wat ever shit...no one cares...even someone cares so wat...i can nv say out my true feelings...will...i only wish to tell meself this...JUS SHUT UP OKIE!!...STOP ACTING LIKE UR SO GOOD OR WAT EVER SHIT...CA UR NOT...

am jus an unwanted kid...

am jus a ball in everyones life...

am tired...inner and outer...

am sick of hiding...

am sick of fake smiles...

am sick of tears...

i jus wanna smile...

is tat really tat hard for me to smile??

jus kill me and let me die...
stab me deep down at my heart and let me bleed to death...

Sunday, June 21, 2009 ♥

boring~ ♥ 8:33 PM

LOL...i kinda of hate sat and sun...LOL...ca ytd and today i kana woken up by my mummy they all de toking...-___-...LOL...now so tired...LOL...hahax...


now de me is not me...i donno why now de me weird weird de...i hate now de me...shoo get lost...i wan old de come back...haix...wat happen to me neh??...i really wanna noe why...the reason tat make me change...hmmms...i guess i will nv get to noe why...am starting to donno myself me...starting to not understand myself...i donno even noe how to love myself...can i really love others??...so so many question running around my head...but i jus donno how to say it out...haix...

i wanna be in your life,

YYY

i wanna be there for you for the rest of your life,

YYY

i wanna be the one you nid,

YYY

i wanna be the one you love,

YYY

i wanna be the one you miss,

YYY

i wanna be the one you treasure,
YYY

i wanna be the one tat make you smile,
YYY

am willing to walk wif you as long as you wan me to...

Baby,

i love you,

i ned you,

i miss you,

make it happen...

O5.O7.O9

♥

boring~ ♥ 1:17 AM

went to vivo to buy sweet and sushi today..LOL...reach home at 12.15am..-__-...used tagged blog jiu off com loh...hahax...i shall blog again tml...

tata~...

Friday, June 19, 2009 ♥

booo~ ♥ 11:00 PM

tOday stayed at home watch taiwan drama LOL...kai ren called me at 6.55pm like tat...ask me wanna go watch movie at PS mah...LOL...i find it stupid lah go watch movie jiu go home...some more i don go out at this time de...LOL...

8pm saw landy de miss call so i called back but donno why no ring ring...LOL...so i msg him...den he call me say some funny funny stuff den i was like huh...wat i do??...den he tell me the story...LOL...was feeling damn bad...=X...haix...so i don really have the mood to tok...LOL...haix haix haix...

my hand wanna break leh...stupid blue black...lightly press the blue black jiu pain like shit...today morning went to coffee shop to buy food...den i push the food den my hand in the puch ppl de shape...LOL...den my mid finger got blue black den i forget i go and push the food...pain loh...the feeling like my mid finger wanna drop off like tat...LOL...haix haix haix....

maybe changing blog skin...jus beca of the tranparency...den the pic i upload cant really see...but i like the blog skin...LOL...so donno wanna change a not...hahax....

Thursday, June 18, 2009 ♥

bad luck day~ ♥ 10:10 PM

tOday was watching taiwan drama till happy happy suddenly my father kp me...ask me pack my place...i tell him okie donno how many bloody times leh...den i say i eat leh i will go and pack liao i donno his ear spoilt or wat fuck listen till i say other day...den nvm..he keep on say and say and say den each time he say the tone gets louder and louder...den suddenly walk to com here hit my chair...-___-...den i fuck up...den i say FINE I PACK I PACK!!...den he still carry on say...den i fuck up i throw all my things on the floor...den i tell him u keep on say wait u more angry den angry den wait i tok to u louder only u say i nv gif u respect den beat me again...den he jiu say wat wanna raise ur voice huh...den i super angry liao...den he nicely tok to my father den my father awhile jiu walk away...den my turn to go crazy...i was fucking angry i gave my floor 3 punch...LOL...i even use my both hand to bang the floor...LOL...was thinking alot alot of things...den i donno why i went to bite myself...-___-"""...now still got the mark on my hand...LOL...was crying while hurting myself...LOL...was super angry...okie lah...it's my fault for not packing...but he nid to keep on kp me meh...LOL...at tat point of time this sentence jus pop up in my mind...every bad things sure is me but good things nv is me...i believe if at tat point of time someone make me even more angry i sure go and kill myself...LOL...i was thinking...izzt ca i too stress tats why i will hurt myself...ca i nv like this before...my hand already in pain and swallowen liao but i still go and hit on the floor make it even worst...donno wat i was thinking at tat point of time...haix...

btw this is the pic of my biting...LOL...my hand de blue black in pic cant really see...LOL...

btw today landy told me he nv go work ca he head pain pain plus giddy...i jus hope tat tml he jiu okie leh...hahax...btw i was happy to see the sweet post on his blog...heee...^^

Wednesday, June 17, 2009 ♥

hhmmm... ♥ 10:26 PM

went to vivo at 5pm plus...jus to buy the long long sweet...LOL...3 for $10...den after tat went to hougang mall de pasa malam bought ram li burger...LOL...den eat leh jiu go home leh...on the way home bought cup noodle...i went to buy the big big size de cup noodle...act smart...-___-...half an hours pass leh am still so full!!!...crap...i donno wat time i den can sleep...LOL...

stupid landy don wanna tell me he wan my full name for wat...keep on ask me wait...humphs...nvm loh...i wait...BLEH!!!...

Tuesday, June 16, 2009 ♥

Whoooo!! ♥ 9:04 PM

YES!!!...my audi finally LVLED UP...WHOOOO...fail the first time...LOL...den pass the 2nd time...hang hang de...all thanx to the FM...lucky tio bad not miss...ca i too early press space le...LOL...

LOL...625 scores left..-___-

YES!!!...pass...thought i will fail de...LOL

forget to uplode this pic..hahax...

my domo handphone pouch

perlin give me de loillpop

this little sofa make me remember when i was young...i once have this little sofa when i was young...i bring wif me where ever i go when am at home...when toilet...i will leave it outside the toilet..hahax

♥

wat happen to me?? ♥ 2:09 PM

ytd went for class chalet...meet joan at pasir ris MRT...took bus 88 there...reach leh i saw pasa malam went to buy taiwan sausage..LOL...everytime i see pasa malam i sure aim for tat de...-___-...i haven been eating alot of unhealthy food...LOL...mon went to went to xinmin pri and sec sch there de pasa malam...sun went to hougang mall de pasa malam...den ytd went to pasir ris inter de pasa malam...LOL...waited for joan to come...den went to i forget the name leh...i only noe it's at B1...LOL...went to buy fruits...LOL...i and joan don even noe how to choose...-___-...den boguht everything we ned jiu take bus 3 to there leh..wait for teacher to come and give us the ticket if not we have to pay $1...LOL...at first wanted to go swimming de...but i nv bring swimming suit den wanted to go home take de...but in the end nv take...also heng i nv go home take...ca swimming pool close...LOL...my 2 frens change to swimming suit for nth...LOL...one say wanna wear swimming suit go BBQ...LOL...i was so damn sian lah...i lay on the bed and watch tv...but my head is facing the tv...LOL...den my teacher see liao den laugh den say why like tat see...see till so xin ku turn over lah...LOL...den i say nvm lah...i veri sian...LOL...den i awhile jiu get up...den i say let go start the fire bah...veri sian...den my tat 2 fren say yar loh...veri sian..go start fire...LOL...so i and joan plus my 2 other fren help start fire...so only got 4 ppl help start fire...LOL...den make the fire okie liao jus start to BBQ...my fren BBQ chicken i help BBQ crabmeat...LOL...the crabmeat okie liao den i start to auto liao...i go and take fork and jus poke the crabmeat...LOL...but i got feed them okie...so cant say i selfish...LOL...den my class de malay ppl start to come leh...come leh also wont help in the BBQ..jus sit there and wait for the food...sux loh...den my fren give them the burn skin de chicken wing...LOL...i help to start fire plus cook for few hours..-__-...den now my arm de muscle pain...LOL...ytd i only eat hmmms...crabmeat, taiwan sausage, fried rice, chicken curry de potato and fruits...wah...i eat so little but i felt veri veri bloated ytd...LOL...den nite went to buy beer...LOL...i shall skip the story...LOL...den went to the beach no wind de...so so hot...-___-...wanted to go OCH but no bike...haix...sian loh...den nth to do jiu cab home...actually wanna ton there de...but stupid ji ji nah lah...go home wif her bf...den sua loh...i go home also...LOL...reached home head still giddy giddy de...LOL..chat on the phone jiu go wash the dishes den go sleep leh...LOL...washed the dishes wif my giddy giddy de brain...LOL...den go sleep tat time i CANT SLEEP!!...LOL...suddenly feel so damn awake...LOL...but manage to sleep in the end..but woke up in the mid of the nite again...-___-...3th nite leh...woke up den veri hard to go back sleep...den now my brain like in la la land...so easy forget things...msg got some word missing also donno...will i forget who i am one day??...if one day i forget who i am leh how will my world look like...hmmmms...will when tat day come den say bah...LOL...

maybe am jus a gal tat wears a mask to hide my evil side of me

i guess am not tat good after all...

am jus an normal gal....

i don deserve all those good treatments i have now

i guess when i show ur my true colour ur will regret noeing me

ur will regret treating me so good...

let the feelings slowly walk away from me...

and soon i will be left alone...

jus like thoes small little stars on the sky

they nv been notice by anyone...

they nv tell anyone how they feel................

pic will be uplode when my fen sent me the pic...

Sunday, June 14, 2009 ♥

hhmmms.... ♥ 10:39 PM

tOday forget wat time wake up leh..hahax...den afternoon slack at home...LOL...watch taiwan drama...den about 5pm plus went to buy food and snacks till 7.20pm plus...LOL...power rite..tat ram li burger de ppl lah...so slow..LOL...i stand there sweating...LOL...i heard hougang mall de pasa malam till this month 18th...LOL...

tml got chalet...maybe staying over nite maybe not...not sure yet...LOL...but if i stay over nite i wanna...i wanna...i wanna...BUY FLAVOURED BEER...think so bah...LOL...don really noe wat's it name...LOL...

tata~...tat's all for today...>_-

Saturday, June 13, 2009 ♥

yawns ♥ 10:56 PM

tOday woke up at 11.15...the alarm ring and i got shock...LOL...jump up from my sleep..-__-...blah blah blah...den went to use com...played audi...LOL...meet an hacker at beat rush battle party...was lucky tat the guy invited me in...LOL...from 100k den plus become 300k den plus...LOL...den log out...den nite went in to play again...hahax...maybe later going back to play again...i donno...jus wanna LVL UP...LOL...well today is freaking boring day...actually today going to swimming de...but raining so cant go...LOL...so BORING!!...LOL

tata...i shall stop here...

anyway...this is the screenshot i took....









look at her score...both NPC de score also cant beat her score...-___-"...

Friday, June 12, 2009 ♥

hhmms... ♥ 6:48 PM

today should wake up at 6am de...ca ned to reach sch at 8.45am...but den in the end i woke up at 12pm plus..ca of stupid ji ji nah...she ytd at 11 or 12 plus say wanna call me den i tell her later...ca i eating...den she say wat she wanna eat also...den ask me wait...den i wait till 2am plus still haven call...den i really cant stand it leh...so i msg her tell her i go sleep loh...LOL...den morning wake up jiu go back sleep..LOL...super tired lah..-___-...den woke up at 12pm plus...was feeling so tired...LOL...today so boring...stay at home use com...SO BORING!!!...gonna be bored to DEATH...-___-...

Thursday, June 11, 2009 ♥

today outting~ ♥ 11:36 PM

tOday woke up at 10am...LOL...ca meeting ji ji nah at vivo at 12...lOL...at mrt i saw her...LOl...i was looking around den i like see someone like her den i look at her den i shock...den i fast msg her..."u look infront...on the left"...LOL...den she look look look den start to laugh...LOL...actually is i laugh first de...LOL...so stupid lah...hahax...den we was looking for place to eat...den walk till the stairs there she fall down...still nvm...she freaking PULL MY SHIRT!!!...somemore pull till don wanna let go...-___-...still grap till my stomach..got 2 red line...T__T....den the place she grap pop up..-___-...was damn angry but sua..forget it...den went to eat long john...the stupid gaint chicken nugget so hard...-___-...den she help me cut all in to small small...ca i was having a hard time cutting it...LOL...den after tat jiu go play water...stupid her...my hand got phone still splash water on me...first on my hair den i tell her i got make-up don play ca the water drip on my face...den she splash it on my body...-__-...i tat time angry liao loh..but again..sua..LOL...i diam diam...den she was folding straw heart help her fold one only...den jiu play water leh...she stupid loh...she at first fold her jeans...den she unfold it in the water...den ask me go help her blow dry...i was like...WTF?!?!?!...den i keep on say don wan like kum gong kia...LOL...den she use jacket cover...-___-...den at nite long story...LOL...don wanna say...hahax...

pic i took when she is blowing dry her pants...-___-...




LOL...sexy ji ji nah...





LOL...making her tube..-___-





my eye leash...THEY ARE REAL OKIE!!!

Wednesday, June 10, 2009 ♥

hhhmmmmmmmmss ♥ 2:18 PM

forget to say...ytd went out wif my goldfish eyes...LOL...den ytd nite 2 plus was toking to ji ji nah..den i ask her to wait ca i wanna go toilet den i saw ka zua at the toilet the wall...den i say"who can save me..."..den my bro ask me jus water to wash it away...crap...i don dare lah...in the end my bro help me wash the stupid ka zua away...LOL...den today nv go sch...LOL...to tired leh..den nv wake up for sch...

hhmmmsss...this few days mind still so lousy...still so easy forget things..even my password also can forget...LOL...today actually got go out wif ji ji nah de...in the end she tell me her mother don let her go out..-___-....den sua...den she say tml see how loh...den i jus orh...LOL...

我真的能忘记我喜欢的他吗？？ i don wanna hurt anyone...now de me is like...i donno wat word can i use to say myself...haix...can u pls read my mind wif out me telling u how i feel...PLS??...

i hate treat me cold cold de you...but can i say this to u...if i tell u how i feel u will say/scold me...i don wan..i don like...i don wanna hurt him...i noe he is really living in pain now...but i really cant control myself...i jus wish to tok to u like last time...but i guess it impossible leh...

i guess i can only keep my feelings to myself,

i don wish to hurt anyone...

anyway this are the pic i took ytd...

♥

hhmmmms... ♥ 12:45 AM

today actually need to go sch de but nv go ca 9am start sch...crap it's so early...so i hack care...suddenly woke up at 11.50 plus woke up...wanted to go see doctor de...but nv go again...ca i noe the medicine i sure wont use finish de...so in the end nv go see...LOL...den at nite went to watch night at the museum 2 wif him...he watched before le still pei me watch...eat the pop corn till so sian...LOL...den suddenly head giddy..even now also head giddy...LOL...am so weak...so easy giddy..-__-"...den after movie jiu went home...reach home at about 12.30 plus...LOL...

jus now my sis tell my mother kitchen got xiao qiang...den my mother go and take news paper beat the 1ST xiao qiang...den suddenly i saw something black black moving BESIDE ME!!!...i thought is wat den i look down OMG?!?!?!...den i shout "here got ka zua!!!"...den my sis tell my mother tat my place here got ka zua also...LOL...heng before the ka zua come out my leg is already on the chiar folded...(hhmmmms this sounds weird..LOL)...jus now he say my mother whack the 1st ka zua till the egg come out...-___-"...lucky i nv go and see...LOL..

kkz lah...i go leh...tml ned to wake up at 7AM!!...LOL...sch start at 9am...-___-...biebie!

Monday, June 8, 2009 ♥

hhhmmm~ ♥ 10:53 PM

today late for sch...LOL...teacher say 12 reach sch...i 12.30 like tat den reach sch..step inside lab jiu see pizza on the table...LOL...den after tat went for lesson...i was slacking...LOL...hack care wat teacher say...inside lab got air-con my feet still can sweat..-___-...den i take off my shoes...LOL...den when home after tat...den 6.30 went to AMK hub to meet my mummy to eat new york...after tat jiu went home leh...


i'm starting to donno who i am...don understand myself...i don even noe wat i really wan...

i shall keep all the unknown feelings and thinking inside my brain and heart, some stuff are meant to be kept, but some stuff are meant to be shown....

Sunday, June 7, 2009 ♥

piss off day~ ♥ 10:26 PM

ytd slept at 3am plus going 4am...den 6.40 ~ 7 plus suddenly wake up ca stomach pain...but no those wanna go toilet de pain...LOL...so was rolling on my bed again..!! -__-...den awhile jiu fall asleep leh...den woke up at 10 plus...brush teeth den go use com...chat chat at msn den went to play audi...LOL...but before i went audi...landy tok to me on msn...say i wake up nv tell him...i nv tell him ca i don wanna wake him up from his sleep mah...every night pei wo chat till so tired leh...he should rest...den he say u good!...like angry like tat...but i ask him...u angry he say no...LOL...den i donno wat to say leh so i went audi....den around 4 plus of 5 plus saw something tat fucking piss me off...i only can say...

fucker u better pray hard u don fucking bump me in sch...i make sure i will make ur fucking face GONE...think wat...say till i so fucking cheap or wat ever...jus watch out okie...and jus don piss me off even more...if not i make sure i really give u a tight slap...which is wat i really don wanna give it to anyone...

Saturday, June 6, 2009 ♥

maybe i should not have fall in love.. ♥ 2:57 PM

woke up at 12.45 today...lay on my bed was kinda of rolling here and there...LOL...today will at home the whole day...

went to play audi jus now...and was fucking piss off by a noob...he choose 156bmp i think...den i ytd jus play audi back think i got so pro...nvm...he say who lost mus gif shirt...i nv say okie or wat ever fuck...so i lost ca he totally manage to make my mind mess up...den he say i mus gif him shirt den i told him i nv say okie or wat ever shit...den he say i nv gif he will call me hacker..so i told him prove...den he say wanna call hacker hack me...come loh...even if he buy guys de cloths using my dens...i see how is he going to pass the cloths to his char...fucking childish ppl...even say i hacker...fuck off lah!!!!

let the feelings be kept in my heart forever

jus stab me and let me die

leave me alone in this dark and cold place

emO nv die

i can nv leave my emO life

am not wat u think i am,

i might be even worst den wat u think i am

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

i don't deserve to be loved or treasure by anyone

Friday, June 5, 2009 ♥

life suxs ♥ 7:03 PM

woke up at 12 like tat...den landy called me chat chat till about 1.20 plus den went to bath and meet li xuan...about 2 like tat den reach hougang mall...went walk walk at hougang mall...went arcade played parapara ca got no DDR...den after tat went hougang mall outside sit sit...den go punggol park there de playground...play swing till my head super giddy...LOL...whole day i only drink mac de M size milo, 2 can drinks, French fries and 1 chicken wing...LOL...totally don feel like eating...den i told li xuan lets slowly walk to my house bus stop...den she say okie loh...she ask far mah...den i say okie lah...we like this walk chat chat jiu wont feel far leh...den i was singing song on the way...den i sing till 爱我把走 den she start to use my sec sch teacher de name and start adding her own words and sing...she even use my name...-___-...i was super sian so i only smile smile...hahax...

if this carrys on i will be even lighter den 40kg...but i jus donno why i really don feel like eating...maybe ca i too stress???...i donno lah...life is so sian for me!!!...

Thursday, June 4, 2009 ♥

Tired~ ♥ 1:16 PM

June 3th

woke up at 8.20 plus...heng i wake up if not i don ned to take my exam leh...go bath jiu go out take bus to sch leh...den i walk till half way den remember i forget to wear contact lens..-___-...but nv go back home to wear ca lazy plus scared wait late...LOL...in the end i 9.40 plus jiu reach sch leh...wait at cafe 1 for my frens to come...den the weather SUPER cold sia...but i got bring jacket...but nv wear...i put it on my leg...den i tell ji ji neh...veri cold sia...den she say...wear ur jacket lah...den i hack care her...LOL...i carry on blow the FREAKING COLD WIND...LOL...after tat jiu went up for exam leh...i was like SUPER TIRED CAN!!...total got 4 question...section A, B , C and D...LOL...den section A i totally stuck...my brain cant connect the question sia...i was like shit...the question is how do but i read as what do...den i keep on can't find the ans...den i skip section A den go B...LOL...den donno is jus do finish section B or going to do finish section B my fren jiu hand in the paper leh...den i was like FUCK I GOT SO SLOW MAH?!?!?!...den i faster go back do section A den C and D...den finally i do finish leh so went out find them...was kind of angry ca they nv wait for me jiu go toilet...LOL...den my eyes already close half liao...even baby noe i wanna sleep leh...ca ji ji neh ask me wanna go out mah...den before i can ans...she say...can't!!!...den i was like shock...den she say ca she wanna go home sleep...den i was like yar...my eyes already close half liao...LOL...den baby say yar can see...den i was like huh...but in the end i still went out wif ji ji neh...to vivo...LOL...walk walk den awhile i hungry liao...she like don wanna let me go but things eat...LOL...den sua i saw TOYSRUS...LOL...so went in to play the toys...i saw those baby de toys den went to play...den ji ji neh also join me...LOL...den all no bat de...i play till angry den i walk off...den went to look for other baby toy...LOL...den suddenly alot of parents or mummy wif baby at there...den i suddenly feel veri pai seh...den i tell ji ji neh...veri pai seh sia...lets go bah...den she still can stay there and play...-___-...den i tell her AM HUNGRY!!!..den she say she also...den i say lets go buy bread...den i forget break talk which floor leh...but heng i suddenly remember...den ji ji neh almost bring me to car park buy bread...LOL...den i see liao i find it abit weird weird den i ask her..here can go down meh???...i thought there is go carpark de...den she go see den start to laugh...LOL...den we went to buy bread den went up to the top...so FREAKING SUNNY LAH...so hard to open my eyes...-___-...den i sit there eat my bread...den stupid ji ji neh lay on my leg...-___-...den i wanna go walk walk in the water...den stupid ji ji neh nv pei wo...sua i walk alone...wont die de...den walk walk walk jiu come back...den my feet dry leh i wear shoes den awhile stupid ji ji neh say wanna go walk walk in the water...den i say wah my feet dry leh u den tell me...but in the end i say lets go walk...she walk abit only den go sit down liao...den SUA..I WALK ALONE...while walking see so many couple or group of frens...haix so envy them...but wat can i do...stand there and emo only...-___-...den after tat 5 like tat ji ji neh wanna go buy sushi den i pei her loh...den after tat jiu go home leh...LOL...den at nite was toking on the phone...den hang the phone leh i jiu msg landy say nites to him den while waiting i close my eyes jiu fall asleep leh...den suddenly woke up at 1.30 plus saw my phone got 2 msg...LOL...den i jiu go back to sleep...

June 4th

woke up at 1.05 like tat...told landy i woke up leh...den he call me jiu to hear my man man de voice...-___-...my fren bluf my feelings say ytd nite will call me tell me today wat time meet...in the end nv call...stupid her...so today i only can STAY AT HOME...i jus now den noe my father and mother morning got call me wake up...LOL...i donno siar...no feeling...i think i too tired leh...LOL...i shall end here...wait before i end...my fren ytd called and tell me mon 12 mus reach sch...den i was like HUH...can don go mah...den she say cant...ms tay say mus go ca she will treat us eat pizza for the good attendance...LOL...okie lah i end here leh...

Tuesday, June 2, 2009 ♥

hhhhmm... ♥ 9:31 PM

tOday woke up at 8...LOL...i don wanna wake up de..but no choice...LOL...bath leh jiu take my notes flap flap flap den i go change den go down take bus leh...hahax...today i ask ji ji neh if she got see anyone get up at the expo bus stop...den she say got 1 person...den i was like got wear spec de mah?!?!?!...den she say yar...den i was like..O_O?!?!?!...den i ask her wat colour de...she say black...but wat i remember was white spec wor...LOL...den i ask her wear wat colour de shirt she say red...den sling bag den she say the look toot toot de...LOL...but luckily is not him...if not i sure kill ji ji neh...ca of some reason...hahax...den went for FTY exam...my brain cracked into half liao...the stupid short ans que...also kill me...i keep on forget the last ans..LOL...den i see my fren hand in the paper den going out of the indoor sport hall leh den i was..CRAP WAIT FOR ME...LOL...den i think think think still cant get the ans den i anyhow write liao...LOL...i hope i hope i can jus pass...PLS...LOL...tml EFC exam...teacher say if we fail got to retake the same thing again for 6 month...FUCK lah...sian loh...hope i can jus pass...-___-...LOL...after tml jiu NO MORE PAPER LEH...WHOOO!!!...thur and fri HOLIDAY..LOL!!!...den next week i though the FTY lesson is a MUS go...den today my fren say can don ned go de...den i was...REALLY AR!!!...CAN CHOOSE NOT TO GO DE AR???...den i ask if they going den ji ji neh say if baby going den she go den i also say same...baby nv go i don wanna go...LOL...after exam me pei baby and perlin go interview at east coast de big splash...before going there they wanna go and eat...LOL...but i don feel like eating...but i ate a small worm worm de bread...which cost $1.20 i think...den walk walk around the level while walking i saw PET SHOP so went inside to peep at thoes animal...LOL...i was about to reach the door baby suddenly say here nv 养 pig...den i turn around make the pig sound...LOL...den baby keep on say she hungry so i say go buy lao monkey eat den baby keep on say is not lao monkey is lao cheng donno wat...forget the back leh den she totally nv see the BIG BIG M sign of mac...LOL...so they decided to eat there so i follow loh...outside mac got sell DOMO BABY...LOL...got bag but i nv buy ca i donno how much and also i feel tat it cant really carry heavy heavy de thing...so i bought the handphone pouch...which cost $.3.90...hahax...den walk in to mac watch them eat...den eat finish go look for my sugercane drink...LOL...den go big splash leh...walked for maybe 5-10min den reach...the weather is SO DAMN HOT CAN!!!...while walking baby say ppl everyday mus big laugh 3 times...den i big laugh 3 times...den baby ask perlin to do it also...den i and baby was playing the big laugh...LOL...den i really veri hot leh i really wanna complain leh...den perlin jus nice play one S.H.E song...i forget wat song leh...den i jiu sing 我已经很黑了 den both of them laugh...den perlin say veri 顺...LOL...den reach there haven 3 so ned to wait till 3 den they can do their interview...den i wait till i wanna sleep liao...den while baby kana interview by the gal i actually FALL ASLEEP ON THE TABLE...LOL...but phone ring i jiu walk up...den reply msg i go back to sleep...after sometime i angry liao i don wanna sleep leh...LOL...den i suddenly feel like lying on someone leg and sleep...LOL...after tat jus go back tamp meet fren den take 27 go expo...LOL...shop shop for few hours den go home leh...bought underwear and shoes..LOL...-___-...

Overall today it was happy day...heee...at least today nv emo like the rest of the day...>_-

Monday, June 1, 2009 ♥

boring day~ ♥ 9:00 PM

tOday i should wake up at 7 de but 7.30 plus den wake up...LOL...den morning 6.30 plus my father ask my wake...den follow by my mother...LOL...den i wake up jiu go bath, bath leh tired super hard to study but am like jus plan reading my notes...LOL...set off to sch at about 8.50...ca i forget to bring my baby domo and his fren the cat to sch...LOL...-___-"...i noe it's childish but i don ned u to tell me...LOL...reach sch den blah blah blah..don wish to say...den went for exam...kind of no mood...LOL...was staring outside the window but i told myself got to finish doing the paper...LOL...after exam jiu go expo wif jijina, perlin and baby...if i say i nv eat laskas(i think it's spell like this...LOL...i donno) before u wont believe rite...but i really nv eat before...LOL...den we bought chicken rice, shark fin shop, den the fish cake all those and drinks...LOL...den they went to another erm room...LOl..i donno wat is tat called...den they like nv see before underwear like tat...see the underwear sign den run over there...-___-...so pai seh lah...den they did some stuff which i can say out here...ca i cant backstab them...LOL...den i was like TOTALLY OUT OF MOOD...den baby though is wat they do make me feel scared...but i told her is ca my heart not wif me not i scared...den they say they wanna do it again tml...i feel like tell them FUCK YOU!!...LOL...don hai me...-__-...den went home...on 27 am already in a fucking bad mood...one chee bye auntie push me still nvm scold me some more...it's not like i nv like her get down the bus...and i believe if she scold me one more time i sure tell her this.."KB LAH CHEE BYE...YOU DIAM CAN!!!!"...LOL...i tat time really feel like scolding her liao loh...stupid auntie make me ren my tears from bus all the way home...den i change leh go toilet jiu wanna go out leh...but when i step in to the stupid toilet i jus cried...and think alot of things also...haix...well i still believe no one and nv will someone understand how i feel...hahax...nvm i use to it leh...fall down also i own self get up de...sad also own self cheer my self up...cry also i hug my knee and cry...haix...when den i have the chance to hug or lay on someone to cry...maybe in my next life..LOL...i donno...hahax...anyway...i wanna thanx my 2 frens for pei-ing me today...i really feel much better leh..hahax...btw...how can i change for softhearted to not so softhearted...veri hard leh...hahax...

jus found out tat i from donno 42-45KG become 40KG...LOL...power rite...LOL...but is not i don wanna eat...is i hungry but i see the food i only feel like eating half of it...lOL...maybe is too stress leh bah...k lah i think i should end here...i will be back tml..LOL...


bOy...i jus wanna tell you
i miss you lots lots..
Wish to tell u how i really feel..
and last...i lOve you, wOaini
*hugs and kisses*

When will my sadness go away??

When will my happiness come to me??

When will i get out of my emO life??

And yes i am a heartbroken gal now,

but i will nv let u see my cry.

Shalyn♥

♥ That silly girl

Shalyn
About me!

name: Shalyn
birthday: 2O.1O.92
age: 18
Attached to Landy ❤ O5.O7.O9 | 11.5Opm
Married tO Landy Chia on ❤ o8.o8.1o
ROM wif Landy Chia on ❤ 28.o9.1o

I'm the only witness and the only person who can judge my life.

Treat me for who i am...if not pls BACK OFF!!!! ROAR!!!!

This is my blog so Click here if you hate it.

Take an U.F.O to visit me (:
Facebook

Follow me on twitter!
Tweet

you + me = ❤

Our little precious❤

Name: Valentino Chia Jun Yong❤
KKH Hospital
Birthday: 4 nOv 2O1O
EDD: 15 nOv 2o1o
been in my tummy for 38 weeks & 3 days
Natural Birth Without Epidural







2.840Kg, height 49cm, head circumference 32cm at birth

4.680Kg at 1 month & 14 days

5.480Kg at 2 month & 6 days

6.350Kg, height 64cm, head cricumference 41.2cm at 3month & 3 days

6.826Kg at 4 month & 6 days

How i found out i was pregnant♥
Baby Valentino birth story♥
Baby Valentino Growing up "diary"♥

Fairy gOdmOther♥

♥Wishes!

for Valentino


[̲̅ə̲̅٨̲̅٥̲̅٦̅] Healthy & strong boy

[̲̅ə̲̅٨̲̅٥̲̅٦̅] Many toys & clothings

[̲̅ə̲̅٨̲̅٥̲̅٦̅] lOved by everyone




for me


❤ ROM (28.o9.1o)

✖ Wedding photo(11.o7.1o)

✖ Wedding dinner(o8.o8.1o)

❤ 2nd Wedding photo wif outdoor scenary

❤ family photo

❤ 1 yr wedding anni

❤ tO be a good mummy & wife

❤ blissful family

❤ family outing

❤ everlasting marriage

✖ smooth delivery

❤ Baby girl

Adores ♥

♥ Loves

His my lOve
Im his lOve
O5|O7|O9 11:5Opm Our story begin

I promise to treat u the way u should be treated
I promise i will try not to gif u attitude tat u should not get
I promise i will treasure u more den before
I promise i will be more understanding and not unreasonable
I will break down the wall in my heart so tat i will love u more
cOokie mOnster cant live without his cOokie
Im cOokie mOnster and ur my cOokie

Footprints ♥

♥ tOk to me!

Links♥

♥

ღOne and Onlyღ
❤Baby❤


~Friends~
Denise
Jocelyn
Mich
Tingting


~Brave mummys~
Bella~MTB
Billie
Joey~Raynulph
Mabel~Jerbel
Priscilla~Jayden
Salina~Melody
Tan Geok~Rayvelle
Teresa~Jensabella
Vevian~Fernelle

Entertainment ♥

♥ Music

Archives ♥

♥ Beautiful memories

` September 2008 ` October 2008 ` January 2009 ` February 2009 ` March 2009 ` April 2009 ` May 2009 ` June 2009 ` July 2009 ` March 2010 ` April 2010 ` May 2010 ` August 2010 ` September 2010 ` October 2010 ` November 2010 ` December 2010 ` January 2011 ` February 2011 ` March 2011 ` May 2011